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The organ of the Sexual Freedom Coalition BCM Box Lovely, London WC1N 3XX http://www.sfc.org.uk mail@sfc.org.uk  Love * Life * Liberty
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Disabled people are still discriminated against in society and many find it extremely difficult to find partners. Often lacking opportunities to experiment in their teens as other people usually do, many disabled people lack confidence to initiate a sexual relationship. Some are even physically unable to masturbate, living lives of perpetual frustration. A sexual surrogate is often required, but British law forbids any kind of organisation which supplies sexual services. Tuppy Owens, founder of Outsiders, a club for disabled people seeking partners, presented the following case at the International Conference on Prostitution in Los Angeles in March 1997.
Disabled People Make the Best Clients
A vast number of disabled people never experience sex in their lifetime. This obviously produces mental anguish having the same desires and needs as everyone else. Frustration is compounded by self-doubt, sensual deprivation, and a lack of confidence to cope with the practical difficulties of sex, should the opportunity arise. Like anyone who has no partner, many disabled people crave physical closeness and intimacy, but more so, because the disabled or disfigured body tends to be avoided physically, at all costs. Even doctors tend to poke, instead of touch. Getting laid confirms your masculinity or femininity, but for disabled people it may also confirm your adulthood, especially when you need to have everything done for you, need to wear a bib at mealtimes, and help with toileting. As well as perhaps being too shy to make an approach, or initiate a relationship, some disabled people are doubly terrified of rejection, especially if they've been rejected since birth. They often lack normal early learning experience too, if they missed out on adolescent experimentation because friends didn't have the patience, or inclination to include them. Some people with short or missing limbs, weak muscles or bad coordination may find it impossible to masturbate, and obviously get unbearably frustrated. Although most people prefer not to think about such things, and the frustration goes unmentioned and ignored, there are a few rare creatures who I call Sex Angels, often nurses or care assistants who act as unofficial volunteers using their uninhibited minds and fingers to rescue the situation. This is always hush-hush. Sometimes the disabled person manages to find a professional sex worker, but I've known blind people who are unaware that such services exist because "that kind of thing" isn't read out on talking newspapers. Deaf people and those with speech difficulties are unable to phone up to make an appointment, and the hurdles for people with mobility problems can be enormous. Most working flats are upstairs, massage parlours inaccessible. The "going rate" is usually beyond most people's means, and requesting a sex worker to visit you, usually doubles the cost. The response of sex workers to disability is varied. I've had a man with cerebral palsy on my doorstep in tears after he'd been robbed whilst trying to negotiate with a Soho girl, having travelled all the way down from Scotland. Most sex workers are open-minded about disability but many feel apprehensive, feeling ignorant and worried they might do damage. Part of my paper aimed to take sex workers through the various types of disability to familiarise them with the various problems. The general message was to listen, try things, and see what works. People with spinal injury have very different responses to different kinds of stimulation and, even those who have no sensation in their genitals can usually reach orgasm from being stimulated in areas above their paralysis. Sex workers can make the lives of disabled people more bearable either directly (through selling sex) or helping to locate, introduce, and acknowledge the value of, the voluntary "Sex Angel". At the very least, a professional should be available to enable every disabled person to realise their maximum pleasure, by learning how to overcome their physical limitations. What is the solution and who should pay? "Supplying sex" as a state benefit is not the answer. As well as attracting tricksters, it would take the element of choice from the disabled person, accentuating their childlike status. The solution is for all disabled people to have enough money to pay for the expense of travelling about and socialising which may include playing for sexual services. Those who choose to use sexual services may need to be warned that whoring can become a habit, short-cutting the personal dynamics and the give and take of relationships. Sex workers may need to beware of this addictiveness, providing more than pleasure and relief, preparing the client for a future of forming relationships. If a disabled person chooses to pay for professional sex, and the worker does a decent job, they will learn how to seduce, how to become more attractive and alluring, thus eventually no longer need professional help, because they find a partner. The relationship between a disabled person and a sex worker can thus be a rewarding experience for the professional. Prostitutes and disabled people have one thing in common both are discriminated against by society. This could help form a bond between the two. However, it is sometimes fear of such a bond which frightens prostitutes away from disabled clients. They fear the client will become dependent. It is therefore essential for the prostitute to clarify their role. It should be obvious to the reader that providing such a delicate service, the sex worker might benefit from training and continual support. With prostitution and pimping illegal, it is not possible to train or offer supervision to professional workers, nor give support to "Sex Angels". The law inhibits even the most basic service. For, however eager the staff at institutions, carers, relatives, and friends of severely disabled people might be to help them find sexual relief and education from sex workers, are often ignorant of the laws, and too afraid of breaking them, to go ahead and make the arrangements. There can be no doubt that people with disabilities sometimes need the services of prostitutes and, to deny them this possibility is inhumane. Laws which restrict the possibility are inhumane and must be abolished. Organisations
Disability