 |
|
|
INTRODUCTION
Like all other clients, people with disabilities see sex workers for emotional warmth, pleasure and sexual gratification, Disabled clients may be needing reassurance of their sexual worth, and help in finding ways to give pleasure to other people and this is where adult industry professionals can help! The disabled have the same desires and needs as everyone else. Erotic Dancers, Escorts, and other Adult Industry Professionals can provide a service that can dramatically improve the lives of the disabled. This document is intended to be a guide to help Adult Industry Professionals interact with people with disabilities in the best possible way. I will begin with a brief discussion about how people with disabilities should be viewed by the Adult Industry as well as society. Then, I will provide correct terminology and etiquette, which may be utilized with people who have different disabilities. In addition, this document also includes: The Art of Lap Dancing for disabled customers, some suggestions for sexual positions with disabled clients with different disabilities, effective communication between escorts and disabled customers, and information on correct sexual etiquette between escorts and disabled customers. It also discusses Spinal Cord Injury and Sexuality, Cathaters/Ostomies and Sexuality.
DISTINCTION BETWEEN DISABILITY AND HANDICAP
A disability is a condition caused by an accident, trauma, genetics or disease which may limit a person's mobility, hearing, vision, speech or mental function. Some people with disabilities have more than one disability.
People with disabilities are not conditions or diseases. They are individual human beings. Therefore, in speaking or writing about a person with a disability, it is preferable to mention the person’s name before mentioning his or her condition. For example, a person is not an Epileptic, but rather a person who has Epilepsy. Likewise, print or broadcast media usually refer to People with Disabilities. First and foremost, they are people. Only secondarily do they have one or more disabling conditions.
A handicap is a physical or attitudinal constraint that is imposed upon a person, regardless of whether that person has a disability. Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines handicap as “to put at a disadvantage.” EXAMPLE: Some people with disabilities use wheelchairs. Therefore stairs, narrow doorways and curbs are handicaps imposed upon people with disabilities who use wheelchairs.
People with disabilities can have various disabling conditions, including:
1. Mobility impairments
2. Blindness and vision impairments
3. Deafness and hearing impairments
4. Speech and language impairments
5. Mental and learning disabilities
As a dancer, you have the right to be treated with respect and kindness by ALL customers. It is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE for a disabled customer to treat a dancer in a mean, disrespectful, or abusive way. Dancers have the right to expect disabled and able-bodied customers to be clean and well groomed.
ETIQUETTE WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE ANY TYPE OF DISABILITY
1. When talking to a person with a disability, look at and speak to that person directly. Treat a person who is disabled with the same respect and consideration you would like.
2. Relax. Do not be embarrassed if you happen to use commonly accepted expressions such as “See you later” or “Got to be running along” that seem to relate to the person's disability. Avoid actions and words that suggest the person should be treated differently. It is okay to invite a person in a wheelchair to go for a walk or to ask a blind person if he sees what you mean. When greeting a person with a visual impairment, always identify yourself and others who may be with you. EXAMPLE: On my right is Penelope Potts.
3. Do not assume a person with a disability needs your help. Always ask him/her before giving your assistance.
4. Do not shout at a person who is hard of hearing. Shouting distorts sounds accepted through hearing aids and inhibits lip reading. Do not shout at a person who is blind or visually impaired -- he or she has no problem hearing you!
5. To facilitate conversation, be prepared to offer a visual cue to a hearing impaired person or an audible cue to a vision impaired person, especially when more than one person is speaking.
6. When conversing in a group, give a vocal cue by announcing the name of the person to whom you are speaking. Speak in a normal tone of voice, indicate in advance when you will be moving from one place to another, and let it be known when the conversation is at an end.
VISUAL IMPAIRMENTS
Identify yourself when you approach a person who is blind or visually impaired. If a new person enters your area, introduce them. While in a group, lightly touch a person’s arm so that he or she knows you are speaking to them. When giving directions, be specific. Use terms like “on your left” or “at your two o’clock.” You do not need to speak loudly to people withvisual impairments. Most of them have no problem hearing. You should offer to read written information for a person with a visual impairment when appropriate.
You may have to assist people with visual impairments in orienting new surroundings. When walking with them, tell them if they have to step up or step down, let them know if the door is to their right or left, and warn of possible hazards. When guiding a person with a visual impairment, offer your arm or elbow, and let them walk one pace behind you to follow the motion of your body.
Never move a visually impaired person’s cane, chair, or other belongings without telling them. Just as sighted people orient themselves by looking around, a person who is blind listens. Traffic sounds indicate when it is safe to cross the street. You can help by reducing non-essential noises at intersections when you notice people who are blind. If you see a person walking with a white cane or a dog guide, and he or she seems confused, or is approaching an obstacle, please offer your help. If you are not sure how you can help, see the guide below, and please, do not hesitate to ask if you are unsure.
When guiding a person who is blind: Offer help verbally, lightly touching an arm or shoulder to indicate you are addressing him/her. Do not grab the person unless there is an immediate danger. Offer your arm to help. A person who is blind or visually impaired can take your arm and follow a half step behind you, gaining travel clues from your movements. If the person has a dog guide, approach the person on his or her free side. Slow down when approaching curbs, stairs or revolving doors. Tell the person what you are approaching and place their hand on the railing or handle of the door for orientation. Explain when you are crossing a street or entering a building. Tell him/her the street name, the direction you are walking and the address of the building. This will help verify, for both or you, that you are headed in the right direction and to the correct place. Offer seating by orienting the person to the chair's position. Place his or her hand of the back or the arm on the chair. Announce your departure. Never leave a blind or visually impaired person in the middle of a street or open area. If you think someone might need assistance, offer your help. Your thoughtfulness will be appreciated, even if your assistance is not needed.
SPEECH IMPAIRMENTS
Listen patiently. You should not complete sentences for the person unless he/she looks to you for help. DO NOT pretend you understand what the person with a speech disability is saying just to be polite. Ask the person to write a word if you're not sure of what their saying. Listen attentively, and keep your manner encouraging rather than correcting.
Exercise patience rather than attempting to speak for a person with speech difficulty. When necessary, ask short questions that require short answers or a nod or a shake of the head. Never pretend to understand if you are having difficulty doing so. Repeat what you understand, or incorporate the person's statements into each of the following questions. The person's reactions will clue you in and guide you to understanding. If you have difficulty communicating, be willing to repeat or rephrase a question. Open-ended questions are more appropriate than closed-ended questions.
EXAMPLE:
Closed-ended question: You were a tax accountant in XYZ Company in the corporate planning department for seven years?
Open-Ended Question: Tell me about your recent position as a tax accountant?
HEARING IMPAIRMENTS
Face people with hearing impairments when you talk to them so they can see your lips. Slow the rate at which you speak when talking to a person with a hearing impairment. Increase the level of your voice. Or, communicate by writing if necessary.
To get the attention of a person with a hearing impairment, tap the person on the shoulder or wave your hand. Look directly at the person and speak clearly, naturally and slowly to establish if the person can read lips. Not all people with hearing impairments can lip-read. For male Sex Workers keeping mustaches well trimmed is a good idea. Those who can will rely on facial expression and other body language to help in understanding. Show consideration by placing yourself facing the light source and keeping your hands, cigarettes and food away from your mouth when speaking. Shouting won't help. Written notes are also very helpful.
MOBILITY IMPAIRMENTS
Try sitting or crouching down to the approximate height of people in wheelchairs or scooters when you talk to them. Do not lean on a person's wheelchair unless you have his/her permission --it is their personal space. Be aware of what is accessible and not accessible to people in wheelchairs. Give a push only when asked. When talking with a person in a wheelchair for more than a few minutes, use a chair, whenever possible, in order to place yourself at the person's eye level to facilitate conversation.
DEFINING DIFFERENT TYPES OF DISABILITIES AND THEIR EFFECTS ON SEXUALITY
Arthritis: Pain, Fatigue, and Medications are issues that impact those with arthritis during sexual activities. Careful positioning, such as the ones described above may be ideal for those that have arthritis. Remember, it is very important to communicate with your provider about what positions work well for you.
Cerebal Palsy: Cerebal Palsy causes uncontrollable movements that are often difficult to predict and control. Just be sure to communicate well with your client and beware that muscle spasms are a part of the sexual experience. On another note, however, an athetotic tongue can be great for kissing, oral sex, and stimulation of nipples. The room should be as warm as comfortable for both individuals because the muscles of clients with Cerebal Palsy are more relaxed at warmer temperatures, which will make sexual activity a lot easier.
Cystic Fybrosis: Both men and women with Cystic Fybrosis say that increased coughing is a side effect of any sexual activity. It is integral that you warn the provider about this. Individuals who have breathing problems often find it is difficult to engage in sexual intercourse with a person directly on top of them. An alternative to this is to have the person on top prop themselves up with their elbows or arms and support themselves. In addition, women with CF, might have thicker vaginal secretions, so lubrication may be very beneficial.
More definitions are available in the printed guide.
LAP DANCING FOR MOBILITY IMPAIRED CUSTOMERS
During an interview with a dancer, she said: “When I dance for a guy in a wheelchair, I ask him if he would like to move to a chair or couch. If he is able, then we move. If he needs to remain in his chair, I ask if he minds if I move the foot pedals out of the way. Being a nurse, I am able to do that quickly and efficiently. I ask if he minds if I sit in his lap. Then I dance normally. Even if he is paralyzed and can't feel a thing, it's still visual, and he still gets to imagine what it feels like.” Another dancer said she had danced for many wheelchair bound customers. She said: “My experience as a nurse really helps me because I'm comfortable with them, and put them at ease. Most importantly, don't act uncomfortable or shy. Treat them like any other normal individual. If they need assistance with something, they will ask for it.” “We have some wheelchair customers pretty regularly. (Just physical disabilities) and it has brought up some interesting issues. Our stage is elevated. Customers have to stand up to give us a tip if they want us to take it with our breasts from their mouth (which is pretty common). Normally, we are not allowed to hang our legs over the stage, but for someone in a wheelchair we can, in order to take their tip. There are also stairs up to the couch dance area, which is where nude dances are done; only topless on the floor, tableside. If a wheelchair customer wants a nude dance, I have seen it done on the floor before because they cannot get to the couch dance area.”
Other dancers make the recommendation that when dancing for a wheelchair bound customer, it’s important to make sure his or her wheelchair breaks are on. If a girl is dancing for a wheelchair bound man who has had a few drinks, and he has forgotten to put his break on, it could be a very unpleasant experience.
Another avoidable mishap is to be careful with beverages. A girl retold a story about a dancer who accidently knocked over a drink onto a customer's wheel chair control panel. The chair was fine, but if the liquids had actually gotten into the electronics, it could have been very bad. This is said to emphasize the importance of dancers being particularly careful around customers that require specialty equipment.
LAP DANCING FOR SPEECH IMPAIRED CUSTOMERSPatience is the key when dancers encounter customers that may have a severe stutter, language problem, or a stroke, and have trouble speaking. Dancing Professionals that I have interviewed say: “Do not try to talk for them or fill in the blanks, and don't act impatient or annoyed. Just wait while they try to get it out.”
LAP DANCING FOR VISUALLY IMPAIRED CUSTOMERS
A large number of blind customers who come to a club have some vision. One dancer told me she danced for a blind customer who had 30% vision in one eye and 40% vision in his other eye. So he could still see her dance. Make sure you dance up close, no floor work as blind customers won't be able to see you at a distance. Another dancer said it’s probably best to have a mint too. Often an impairment of one such as sight, will lead to another sense being heightened, such as smell, so if you've had any garlic that day the chances are they'll be able to smell it.
LAP DANCING FOR MENTALLY CHALLENGED/IMPAIRED CUSTOMERS
This is a very hard topic to deal with and understand. Unlike people with physical impairments like: Cerebral Palsy, Muscular Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, and Spinal Cord Injuries. The Mentally Challenged/Impaired Customer may not be capable of making informed decisions about purchases. The conscience view on Strippersweb.com seems to favor not taking money from these customers. They can enjoy watching you perform on stage. One dancer on Strippersweb.com wrote: “I have mixed feelings about this, mostly having to do with money issues. Sometimes I don't think these people are capable of making informed decisions about purchases and are easily taken advantage of. So I don't want to take their money.” A dancer needs to continuously remember that every disability is different, so you need to use your best judgment and common sense in each situation. Never stare, and do not ask what happened to your customer. Please keep in mind they are in a fantasy land during the dance, and are trying to have an enjoyable experience.
PERSONAL CARE ATTENDANTS (PCA):
For clients who live in assisted care living or have a personal assistant, the notion of privacy is somewhat difficult. The reality of privacy for someone living in assisted care is very different, when there are no locks on the door, there is always a personal care attendant living with them, or it is required that people have to sign in and out of a log book in order to gain entry into the client’s building. If the client requires the services of a personal care attendant at all times, when arranging the date, you may want to ask them
how to act or how comfortable their personal assistant is with their sex life. Although sex is a very important part of a disabled client’s life and the personal care assistant spends a lot of time with the client, this does not mean that they are comfortable with the idea of them using a sex worker to provide for their needs. It is important to think about maintaining a conservative demeanor and appearance when visiting a client in assisted living , because their discretion is just as important as yours! Here are some suggestions on how to remain discreet from people who live in assisted care living or use a personal care attendant:
1.) If you have a personal care attendant and are going to have a sex worker over when they are there, make sure they are comfortable with this idea. Even if you just need your PCA to open the door or negotiate the date for you, make sure they are okay doing this. You do not want to coerce someone into a situation that would be uncomfortable for them, you, or the sex worker.
2.) When arranging the date, make sure to find out if the client lives in assisted living and what exactly this means. Do you need identification to get into the building? Should you dress or act a certain way? Is someone other than the client going to greet you at the door? A good resource for finding out privacy issues is Amanda Brooks’ The Internet Escort's Handbook Book 1: The Foundation (Perfect Paperback)
WHAT IS INDEPENDENT LIVING?
Independent living is a way of life that includes values, attitudes and behaviors. It embraces a philosophy that the person, regardless of their disability, has the potential to exercise individual self-determination. Living on your own is having the right and the opportunity to pursue a course of action. It is having the freedom to fail and to learn from one's failures, just as non-disabled people do.
Independent living means that we (the disabled) demand the same choices and control in our everyday lives that non-disabled brothers, sisters, neighbors, and friends take for granted. We want to grow up with our families, attend neighborhood schools, use the same public transportation as our peers, and work jobs that are in line with our education and abilities, and also start families of our own. Just as everybody else, we strive to be in charge of our lives, and be able to think and speak for ourselves.
BIRTH OF THE INDEPENDENT LIVING MOVEMENT
Independent living is the philosophy of self-empowerment for people with disabilities. Independence does not necessarily mean doing everything for oneself and living by oneself. The concept of Independent living was born in the early 1970's in Berkeley, California. A handful of students with disabilities on the campus of Cal-Berkeley saw the inaccessibility of the campus and decided to turn a wrong into a right(s), as in disability rights. The first Independent Living Center was established in Berkeley, and the Independent Living Movement has been growing ever since. There are 22 Centers for Independent Living in Illinois. There are hundreds across the United States. One of the by-products of the Independent living philosophy is consumer control; this means consumers have direct control over the services they select. For example, a consumer who employs a Personal Assistant is the boss in the employer-employee relationship. As in any work environment, it is the employer's responsibility to direct his/her employee.
MYTHS AND ATTITUDES
Disabled people should stay and live with their own kind. Forced segregation creates an artificial barrier which makes disabled people uncomfortable and hesitant to interact with the able-bodied world. It creates an environment of “learned helplessness" in which the disabled start to believe that they are not capable of managing their own lives. Some parents encourage this learned helplessness by doing everything for their adult child. The adult child's world is rosy until the parents pass away. Then the disabled adult children are left alone, not knowing how to take care of themselves. The best way to combat this problem is for you to learn how to manage your own life and involve yourself in activities with non-disabled people.
GUIDE/SERVICE DOGSMany people with visual or mobility impairments use guide dogs to help them compensate for their disabilities. These dogs are workers, not pets, and they have jobs to do. Always ask permission before you interact with someone's dog. Do not pet the dog or divert its attention from its work. Please speak first to the person. It is correct human and canine manners!
Do not touch either the service animal/service dog or its owner without first asking permission. Touching the service animal/service dog might distract it from its work. Touching the person might be interpreted as assault. Resist the temptation to offer treats to the service animal/service dog. Barking, meowing, whistling, and making other rude noises at the service animal/service dog. Conversing with the person about the service animal/service dog, disabilities, and other animals you have known is appropriate.
Questions of a personal nature should be avoided. If the person volunteers information, you may decide if you wish to continue the conversation. Do not feel offended if the person declines to talk about himself/herself or the service animal/service dog - not everyone wants to be a walking "show and tell" exhibit.
WHAT IF YOU ARE AFRAID/DO NOT LIKE DOGS?
Place yourself away from the service animal/service dog. If you are a business person, discreetly arrange for someone else to wait on the person. You may ask the person to have the service animal/service dog lie down if it does not interfere with its work.
WHAT IF THE SERVICE ANIMALS ACTS OUT OF MANNER?
Find out what happened before taking action. Was the service animal/service dog stepped on, poked, asleep and dreaming, performing its job (some alert their owners to oncoming seizures by barking once or twice)? If the animal's/dog's behavior is disruptive or destructive, you may ask the person to remove it from the premises. Explain that the service animal/service dog is medically necessary and that federal law protects the right of the person to be accompanied by the service animal/service dog in public places.
AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT
The Americans with Disabilities Act was signed into law on July 26, 1990. The purpose of the Act is to:
• Provide clear and comprehensive national mandate to end discrimination against individuals with disabilities.
• Provide enforceable standards addressing discrimination against individuals with disabilities.
• Ensure that the federal government plays a central role in enforcing these standards on behalf of individuals with disabilities.
The term disability is defined as a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more of a person's major life activities, a record of such impairment, or being regarded as having such an impairment. This is the same definition used in Sections 503 and 504 of the Rehabilitation Act and the Fair Housing Amendments Act. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) gives people with disabilities civil rights protection that is like that provided to individuals on the basis of race, sex, national origin and religion. It guarantees equal opportunity for individuals with disabilities in:
•Employment
•Public Accommodations
•Transportation
•State and Local Government Services
•Telecommunications
CONCLUSION
In conclusion, this paper is meant to be a guide for Adult Industry Professionals to better interact with disabled clients. It outlines how to interact with clients who have a variety of disabilities. Hopefully, it will serve as a useful resource and tool for the Adult Industry, and people with disabilities alike.
Copyright 2008 by William Takahashi, no portion of this document can be copied and resold without written permission.
Please view my resume